“It’s remarkable that none of us know more about her daughter…absolutely no idea where she stays, her number …nothing…. zilch!”  Lakshmi was upset and rightly so that one of the residents of her ‘home’ was suffering from a stroke which led to coma and none of them knew who to contact.

She looked at the residents who had rallied around to help Vaidehi Raman at the health centre. Looking at the worried expression of those who were around, it was clear that the latter was well liked and there were many who openly wept looking at the life-less figure on the bed attached to the various tubes and instruments.

“We filled an application form with the emergency contact details at the time of joining. Did you check the same, Lakshmi?” asked an 85 year old, who was the oldest resident there at the Sanctuary.

Lakshmi bit back the caustic response, “Yes, of course, Amma. That was the first place I looked.  The number written could not be reached. I requested Ammu’s son who is in Mannargudi to drive across to the address given in the application form. He came back with the report that the house no longer exists and has made way for another apartment block.  Sudha had also requested her daughter to scout the area. She had gone one step ahead and did some amateur detective work. She talked to the small time vendors like the ‘ironing lady’ and the ‘flower vendor’ in that area and got the information that there was major fallout between the mother and daughter after which the mother was never to be seen in that area.  Hopefully, she will be ferreting out some more information.”

Lakshmi chuckled despite the stress and added, “it takes a woman to think of approaching the local vendors who know all about the residents!”

“and won’t mind a gossip or two,” added Ammu dryly.

“Well, gossip and information is what we need at this time,” said another octogenarian peremptorily.  “Lakshmi,” she added, “Give a couple of younger ones permission to search Vaidehi’s room. Maybe, she has kept a notebook or diary with the addresses.”

“I will be doing it myself later in the day,” admitted Lakshmi. “It goes against all that I had promised to you residents by way of privacy etc……but then…this is a special case.  I am simply not able to understand,” She mused, “how many times has she regaled all of us with stories about her daughter and her grandchildren. Where did she go if she had no daughter to visit? And……moreover, why did she lie?”

There was silence as each one of them was caught in their own recollections of the different stories that they had heard from Vaidehi. They all looked at the prone figure wondering ……would she ever wake up to tell them the truth? Lakshmi sighed.  She wondered, “Do we really know another person? What all secrets does each one of us keep within us? Oh, Vaidehi! What made you weave stories from thin air….?” She went to the bedside of the lady who she had grown fond of…took her lifeless hand in hers….almost felt the kinship of a sister and silently promised, “I will find her for you.”  She sat holding her hand promising, willing Vaidehi to show some sign of life…….was there a flutter of her eye-lids? Was there a tightening of her hand? Shaking of the fanciful thoughts, Lakshmi got up determined to solve the mystery. She knew many would feel that Vaidehi had been deceitful but Lakshmi felt that there must be a concrete reason for her mendacity and she would find out the truth.

Lakshmi’s ‘Sanctuary’ came into being because she was in need of one. It was both a haven for her as well as a philanthropic move on her part.  It was a place for those women who were either abandoned by their husband or their children or simply did not have one.  It provided the much needed solace as it soon became an emotional anchor for her too and it was her baby.   She always felt that it was succour for those women who did not follow their heart, like she had once done.

A doctor would correct her and say that nothing happens in the heart and it all happens in the brain and give a name as ‘effective neuroscience’ or would try to psychoanalyze her feelings and relate it to the working of her mind but being a lay person she believed that woe befalls anyone who do not follow their heart. Brain is considered the most complex of human organs but she firmly believed that the heart can play havoc on human life as none other.

Today, ‘Sanctuary’ had moved beyond a home that was meant for only the desolate women. Many children selected ‘Sanctuary’ as an alternative home to house their mothers as they felt that their mothers would be happier here rather than living in an empty house in some strange city because the children and their spouse go to work.

She left the bedside of Vaidehi, spoke to the attending doctor and walked briskly out of the door. Her eyes smarted both with the unshed tears as well as the bright April sun that she stepped into. Her brain child was located in the outskirts of the temple town Kanchipuram. The town was a few kilometres from Chennai having the advantage of not having the battle the daily hustle and bustle of the Capital city.  It was an abode of many temples, thus adding to its value. Her eyes took in the tall coconut trees bordering her abode, and the various small cottages surrounded by colourful hibiscus, Nerium, Chrysanthemums, Marigold, sunflower and various hues of roses. Not a leaf moved, yet the trees, the plants and the sloping, red brick roof kept the environs of the cottages and the administrative office cool. She walked briskly along the cobbled pathway that led to the various cottages and also to her office from where she operated from. Her office building was an amalgamation of Tamil Nadu and Kerala architecture with a courtyard within the house and the rooms constructed around the same. The low sprawling building was covered by a veranda on all four sides with the sloping red brick roof supported by columns of the same colour. The flooring was of red sandstone and the walls were painted white giving the interior a spacious feeling more so because of the skylight over the courtyard. A profusion of colours from bougainvillea welcomed the visitors and each room around the courtyard was designated for the various activities the inmates would like to participate in. The whole idea was to cater to all the hobbies that an individual would like to participate in to make their ‘evening of their lives’ comfortable.

The office was situated slightly to the left and that is where Lakshmi headed for after her eyes did a quick survey to make sure that all was in order and as always she felt a sense of accomplishment. She patiently answered concerned questions posed by a couple of inmates who were playing carom board before she made a beeline to her office.   She smiled her thanks as Usha, the young 20 year old handed over a glass of cool coconut water. She sipped it appreciatively and glanced around her office that was a visual delight, thanks to the creative style of Bindu.

She remembered the week-old baby abandoned at her door step one March morning. She took her on and with the help of few other residents brought her up and named her after dawn. She was a quick learner even in school and soon mastered the basics of computer and was a great help in keeping the records of the residents as well as maintain the accounts. Her website for ‘Sanctuary’ was so well-received that it started fetching much more donations than ever before. She was resourceful and frequently took it on herself to visit nearby corporates and convinced them to part with huge donations as a part of their Corporate Social Responsibility.  As a result, a well-equipped hospice was constructed and the building and its surroundings were well-maintained.

“ Usha, Can you pull out all details of Vaidehi Mami?”

“Done, Amma. There is not much except the address that has been proved wrong, I googled the daughter’s name Netra Arun and got some 20 matches in Chennai and Bangalore.  I went into Facebook and sent each one of them personalized message. I am hoping for some reply, but the problem is Amma as I am not their friend the messages might go into spam and go unnoticed by them.” She stood hesitating.

“Yes, Usha…out with it…if you have some other information, please share.”

Usha blushed, “Amma, there was a name of a doctor in the folder. It was actually written on the back of the application form and hence we all missed it when we looked yesterday.  I contacted him….he is Dr. Vijayragavan and he is flying down from Delhi. He……he appeared to be,” she blushed even more, “he appeared to be very flustered and it looked as if he was her…… I feel he cried!” She completed in a rush.

Lakshmi sighed. It was becoming more and more complicated. She looked sternly at Usha and said, “I don’t want any word of this leaked out. We don’t know the story and hence would be inappropriate on our part to speak about the same. I hope you understand, you have led a sheltered life and at your age, you would view the world as black and white. But with experience, you realize that life is full of shades of grey. Remind me to tell you how the sanctuary came into being someday. Now, I need to go to Vaidehi’s cottage and try to find out any information that I can. Try to get some more information if you can, but it is like searching a needle in haystack”

The beautiful family photo of a young couple with their children caught Lakshimi’s eyes as soon as she opened the door to Vaidehi’s cottage. She picked it up and had a good look hoping for some revelation of any long forgotten conversation. Generally, when there is a photo placed in prominence, it does not evoke much comment other than “Your daughter and her family? Lovely!”

Was it Vaidehi’s way of preventing people from asking about her family?   If so, the idea was ingenious. She searched the cottage systematically. It was self-sufficient unit, a bedroom with a roomy wardrobe, an attached bath and a small kitchenette where the residents could make their own tea or snacks but for the meals she preferred them to come to the dining hall. She believed that isolation could lead to serious mental problems and hence made sure that the residents had to perforce mingle with others during meals and morning and evening prayers and meditation. The community activities depended on their wish, but surprisingly quite a few made themselves available for even that.

She shook aside her thoughts and searched the cottage systematically. She checked the drawer; cupboard went through the address books a few novels that she had in the room, some her own and some borrowed from the reading room. She did not know what she was looking for but each one of us has some personal stuff that we would hate to throw and she hoped that this quality would help her find Vaidehi’s daughter if she had one.

She could not find anything personal besides the clothes and somehow she felt she was missing something. She sat on the bed and pondered. It was sheer sixth sense that made her look under the cot and withdrew a shoe box filled with stacks of letter and a couple of diary.  Feeling like an intruder she opened Volume I and realized that Vaidehi did not write the same every day. As she scanned the same, she realized that the writing was a chronicle of the happening as if she wanted to pen her thoughts to be read after her demise.

I got married today…..

 Lakshmi sat back with little realizing that two hours had gone by and that her eyes were smarting with unshed tears.

She never stopped wondering at the selfishness of human race and once again this aspect was brought to the fore front after alternately Skimming and reading through Vaidehi’s diary. She had had her share of unpleasant experience with some of the remarkably selfish people but each time she heard a story that almost made it sound as if people were honing and developing the skill of egocentricity and self-aggrandizement.

She wondered how much of a trouble could one person face in a life time because of power play and self- centredness of human race?

The very thought that four generations of the ‘socially upright’ lawyer family could inveigle a poor, unsophisticated girl to provide a front to hide their son’s impotence so that they don’t lose face in the society. They hardly gave any thought to her own sexuality but also deprived her of mother hood. They clandestinely go in for adoption of a child from another poor relative and pass it off as their grandchild. The only spoke that fate threw at them seem to be their inability to adopt a boy child as per their wish!

To make matters worse, she is left a widow at the age of 30 after exacting a ‘death wish’ from her that she would keep his image untarnished with their own ‘daughter!”

What Vaidehi did not plan for was the fact that she lost her heart to her daughter’s paediatrician, Dr. Vijayraghavan. She, who was uninitiated to the art of ‘love making’ found it difficult to say no to the debonair, sophisticated doctor who was also madly in love with her.

Being constantly aware of the pressure of being a ‘widow’ of the family that gave more importance to the society and living up to the adage ‘what will people say,’ she tried valiantly to fight the growing attraction but the flame was too strong to be kept smouldering for long. She could not think of leaving her marital home because of her promise to her dying husband. He screwed up her life properly, to make up for his inability to do so in the bedroom! Lakshmi thought angrily

They kept their affair discreet. The good doctor convinced Vaidehi to leave her marital home with her daughter and make a home with him in New Delhi and she was trying to build up her courage to ‘tell’ her daughter the whole truth when all hell broke loose.

Netra who was all of tumultuous 15 was told about her mother’s ‘loose morals’ and the father was portrayed a saint. That was when Vaidehi moved in to the Sanctuary and refused to meet the doctor because of the guilt she faced over her daughter’s loss of respect towards her.

She tried to meet her daughter every 6 months but it was not to be….and that stalemate continued even after her daughter got married and had her own children. She was sent photos of Netra and family as if to add salt to her permanently scarred heart and she continued her effort to let her daughter know about the facts relating to her father, but it was not to be. 20 Years thus passed….and not Dr Vijayaraghavan was coming to see Vaidehi.

Lakshmi sighed. She knew what she had to do. Even if things don’t work out, the place for Netra to be in at present was by her mother’s side and that is what she would do, even if it means telling that selfish brat some home truths. She hoped the good doctor would throw some light on the whereabouts of Netra Arun, the spoilt witch!

The doctor was as good as Vaidehi had described of him and he was distraught. He refused to leave the bedside of Vaidehi and ensured that the best of his colleagues attended on her at the hospice. He spoke to her as if there were only a few days that separated them and not two decades. He willed her to come awake and looking at the love he had for her, Lakshmi vowed that if Vaidehi ever came out of her coma, she would ensure that she would just follow her heart with or without her daughter’s approval. She knew that Nethra Arun would be found even if she had to be flown down from US of A as there were too many amateur detectives following every lead and the news of a promising lead to Vaidehi’s in-laws was reported to her just a few minutes ago.  Lakshmi hoped it was real and not a false alarm and kept looking at the telephone instrument willing it to ring.

“Success….found the address and telephone number of Nethra Arun!”

“Great!  How were they? Did they part with information that easily?” asked Lakshmi eagerly.  Sudha’s daughter had really proved that she was made of fine mettle. Not only was she resourceful, but very energetic and truly altruistic. She spent hours following leads given by the various small shop keepers and managed to gnaw the information out of strangers with all the enthusiasm of a dog with a bone. Lakshmi listened to the details, jotted down the information on a sheet of paper.  She had no sympathy listening to the tales of the lonely life, Vaidehi’s in-laws were facing. She always found that people did not know how to maintain relationships. Vaidehi would never have abandoned them, if they had accepted her despite her new relationship. But, they were short- sighted to have let this pearl go out of their lives.

“ Thanks….yes, you can visit your mother anytime. Even if she is happy, she would be happier if children come to see them often, So make time for them, Shuba, and thanks once more.” She ended the call.

“Usha, book tickets for me in the inter-city express to Bangalore. Try Tatkal for tomorrow or as early as possible…. “

Usha hesitated, “ Amma, go by flight please. This is important and you have saved sufficient money…”  Looking at the frown, she stammered, “ yes, I know you would consider it a luxury, but..the earlier Nethra is here…I feel that once she is here, her mother will wake up..”

Lakshmi smiled…” Yes, go ahead and book. Please forgive me..the need to save money has become such an inherent quality that I …..” she shook her head….this was a worthwhile expenditure.

She reached Bangalore in the afternoon and Akshay, son of another resident of hers arranged for a cab to pick her up and take her to his place in Kalyan Nagar. Really, the affection of these children was amazing, she thought.

She knew Nethra worked from home, but wanted to visit her late evening so that she would be assured of her husband’s presence. She knew that Nethra had two teenage children and she wondered if they too were as pig-headed as their mother was in their age!

“Do you want me or Pooja to accompany you? The driver will be with you, but if you want us, we too can come.” Said Akshay.

Lakshmi shook her head. “What I am going to say to her would need no audience. I can’t help if her children witness the same…but let’s not make it worse.”

Pooja agreed…… “But, if you need our help any time…Please call. Her house is about 11 Kilometres from here, in an upcoming area called Saharkarnagar..the driver knows he place, so you would be fine.”

Lakshmi had heard so much about the Bangalore traffic and she felt that it was no exaggeration. The initial trepidation that Arun and his family would have an evening out was completely erased from her mind. Only an idiot would battle this kind of maddening traffic two times a day!

Saharkarnagar, was a beautiful layout. Lakshmi had heard that it was a fairly new locality on the way to the new international airport and was comfortably far from the hustle and bustle of the noise Bellary Road. The numbering of the streets and the by-lanes did not have the usual disorder of certain places and all too soon, the driver parked the car in front of Apartment complex.

“What’s the house number ma?”

“C -1101”

Lakshmi was apprehensive, in case the security denied their entry but the driver very authoritatively said, “C-1101…Arun Saab is expecting us.” And the gate was opened.

She breathed a sigh of relief. Now, it was left to her how she handles the situation. She took a deep breath as she rang the bell. Swanky apartment, she thought. Nethra had done well for herself. The door opened and Lakshmi came face to face with a young lady, who tilted her head the very way Vaidehi did and said, ‘Yes?’

“I need to speak to you and Arun…this is regarding your mother, Vaidehi.”

“I don’t have a mother..” Nethra blanched and was about to close the door when Lakshmi expecting the same place a foot inside, looked over Nethra’s shoulder and said, “ Arun, Can I have two minutes with you..”

Nethra turned to look and realized that she had been fooled and Lakshmi was inside.

“Why don’t you sit down and also call your husband and we can discuss this in a civilized manner…or you can have me raising my voice and telling you my piece that your children too would hear. You can have it your way.” Said Lakshmi placidly.

A man came into the room and Lakshmi recognized him from the pictures she saw in Vaidehi’s room. “Hello, I am Lakshmi. The founder of a place called “Sanctuary.’ It is located in Kanchipuram near Chennai.” Arun saw a very dignified elderly lady dressed in a neatly pressed, cotton saree of some light pastel colour having such a shocking impact on his wife who was kneading her hands in nervousness.

“Yes, and how does that affect us?” He asked as he went to stand by his wife’s side.

“I need to talk to both of you…and I would prefer if we have a decent conversation. At the end of what I need to say, I leave the decision to you both, but please I need you both to sit down as I can’t say what I need to standing. I leave the decision to you both, but please I need you both to sit down as I need to sit as it had been quite a long day for me.”

Arun exerted a slight pressure on Nethra and practically led her to the sofa and gestured Lakshmi to take a seat.  The mutinous expression on Nethra’s accompanied by her “I have no mother, particularly one who has no morals!” made Lakshmi lose her cool.

“Firstly, I do not think you have any right to speak about anyone’s morals because you do not seem to have gained any maturity to speak on such topics, despite your age!” was Lakshmi’s scathing remarks.  “Moreover, you are right…..she is not your real mother and I still don’t know why she sacrificed all her happiness to pamper a spoilt brat like you is beyond me!”

Arun’s words were cold as he said, “Can you please explain who you are and why are you speaking to my wife like that? I can’t have anyone who disrespects my family!”

“I too like to have a refined conversation. But for that, I need her co-operation. I am Lakshmi, running a place called Sanctuary. Vaidehi is in coma. Vaidehi happens to be her mother.” She gestured towards Nethra. I have no idea, what she has said about what transpired during her early childhood and adolescence. But here are Vaidehi’s diary and letter written by Dr. Vijayaraghavan which largely went unanswered by the tone of it…….all because of your wife and her insistence on sitting on an old-fashioned moral high horse without having much idea about what transpired in her mother’s life.”

“I cannot tolerate anyone hurting my father’s memory…and what you mean by she is not my mother?” asked Nethra belligerently.

“Please let me make it clear…Neither of them are your real parents. Your father was an impotent both in action and behaviour and this fact was kept a secret from your adoptive mother who was taken for a royal ride by your grandparents because of her innocence and goodness not to say her ordinary, poor background. She was a pawn in the old tale of sacrifice due to poverty and her parents finding an easy way out of their own sad life. She has kept this entire sordid story a secret because your precious father took a promise from her on his death bed.  You are enjoying the sensual pleasures of your husband right? Then what makes you presume that your mother is a sex-less person? You really need to live up to your name and not be blind!”

Nethra squirmed. She was not used to anyone speaking so openly about such private matters but the same words increased Arun’s respect for the elderly lady who apparently knew her business.

Lakshmi continued softly, her eyes gentle. “I know this is all hard for you too, Nethra. I apologize for shouting at you and being rude. I had to shock you to silence or you wouldn’t listen.”  Sipping water that was brought in by a live-in maid by the looks of it, she briefly recounted what was in the diary and what made her read the same. She also informed all that come to light the last two days and the tracking down of Nethra.

She continued into the silence,  “She forsake all her personal pleasure and kept trying year after year to build the broken relationship with you…but her …your grandparents refused to allow her that pleasure too………. She never let you down, till yesterday I and all others thought that she had a wonderful relationship with you….she keeps your family photo on the mantel piece and has stood like a beggar at your door step …but you in an imaginary judge’s robe have robbed her of all possible happiness. What a waste! Yet, the wonderful doctor was the first person who came to her aid as soon as he heard about her state. There is nothing sleazy or carnal about their love. I have over the years found that you youngsters believe that you are all more enlightened and modern, yet your thoughts are baser than ours!”

Lakshmi stopped.  The two days of tension seems to have taken its toll and her shoulders slumped and all her tiredness returned.  She had said all that she had to say and now she waited for Nethra’s reaction.

There was complete silence but the atmosphere was much friendlier as Arun took things in his hands. “Have you had dinner, ma’am? I think we all will be able to think better when we are less hungry. Please join us.”

All through dinner, Nethra was pensive and hardly spoke but the children and Arun kept the conversation flowing and the evening passed pleasantly enough. The travel details were spoken at length keeping in mind the children’s school commitment and their own work commitment but Lakshmi took leave when Arun assured her that they would try to organize their travel plans. Vaidehi would love her son-in-law, Lakshmi thought. He was a fine man and the children too were very well-brought up.

As the flight took off from Bengaluru the next morning with all of them on board, Lakshmi sat back relaxed at peace for a job well done. She was positive that with the good doctor by her side and her daughter’s acceptance, the road to recovery and further happiness would be Vaidehi’s.

She once again became aware that the call of our heart should never be taken lightly for after all we had only life time for the same. As always she wondered if her life would have taken this turn if she only had been able to read the letter written by her admirer. He had urged her to meet him at a designated spot in order to take things forward in their relationship if she too reciprocated his feelings. By the time, she realized that she was wrong in keeping her unlettered attribute quiet from her Santosh, it was too late. If she had married him, Sanctuary would not have happened… well, all things align for a grand plan albeit if it was sometimes a lonely one. Shaking off her morbid thoughts she looked across the aisle to smile at an amenable Nethra. With her daughter and the doctor by her side, Vaidehi’s miraculous recovery was almost a certainty. With that thought, Lakshmi looked out the window at the plane blanketed by clear clouds.

 

This blog post is part of ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’
hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla.

 

One of my earlier stories and this won a price in  Story Mirror and was published in The Book of Love