There are no children alive who do not say, ” I hate you,” to mothers or “You are the meanest mother of all.” I believe that mothers are doing a good job if your child throws those words at you.
This piece so resonates with me- for most growing-up children view parents as their arch-rivals.
THE MEAN MOTHERS ( Taken from the Net)
Someday when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a parent, I will tell them, as my Mean Mom told me: I loved you enough to ask where you were going, with whom, and what time you would be home.
I loved you enough to be silent and let you discover that your new best friend was a creep.
I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours while you cleaned your room, a job that should have taken 15 minutes.
I loved you enough to let you see anger, disappointment, and tears in my eyes. Children must learn that their parents aren’t perfect.
I loved you enough to let you assume the responsibility for your actions even when the penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart.
But most of all, I loved you enough to say NO when I knew you would hate me for it.
Those were the most difficult battles of all. I’m glad I won them, because in the end you won, too. And someday when your children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates parents, you will tell them.
Was your Mom mean? I know mine was. We had the meanest mother in the whole world! While other kids ate candy for breakfast, we had to have cereal, eggs, and toast.
When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch, we had to eat sandwiches.
And you can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that was different from what other kids had, too.
Mother insisted on knowing where we were at all times. You’d think we were convicts in a prison. She had to know who our friends were, and what we were doing with them. She insisted that if we said we would be gone for an hour, we would be gone for an hour or less.
We were ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve to break the Child Labor Laws by making us work.
We had to wash the dishes, make the beds, learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, empty the trash and all sorts of cruel jobs. I think she would lie awake at night thinking of more things for us to do.
She always insisted on us telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. By the time we were teenagers, she could read our minds and had eyes in the back of her head. Then, life was really tough!
Mother wouldn’t let our friends just honk the horn when they drove up. They had to come up to the door so she could meet them. While everyone else could date when they were 12 or 13, we had to wait until we were 16 .
Because of our mother we missed out on lots of things other kids experienced. None of us have ever been caught shoplifting, vandalizing other’s property or ever arrested for any crime. It was all her fault.
Now that we have left home, we are all educated, honest adults. We are doing our best to be mean parents just like Mom was.
I think that is what’s wrong with the world today. It just doesn’t have enough mean moms!
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I am frequently asked: What do you write about? My standard answer in the days when my children were growing up was, “Whatever I want to tell my children, but don’t dare!”
My father used to joke, I am not hen-pecked but chick-pecked. Teaching in various schools and parenting my own gave me good fodder for most of my pieces and I realized that many parents particularly of the teenagers were afraid to discipline their child. Parenting is indeed a difficult task- go too far or too little.
One of my pieces that was published in Deccan Herald titled: The Importance of Saying NO dealt with that topic. As a mean mother myself, I have often said no loud and clear enough. I am very fond of Abraham Lincoln’s letter to his son’s headmaster. While idly thinking of it, I had to write a satire on it. Sadly, that satire seems to be holding sway in the world of today’s parenting.
This blog post is part of ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’
hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla
in collaboration with Ratna Prabha.
25 comments
Even though I’m not a parent, I felt every word. That complicated dance between love and criticism from mothers is something I’ve lived too. It made me reflect on how deeply those “mean” moments shaped my own inner voice.
So true !!
Very true about mean mothers. Most of them including me are like that I believe
This brought back so many memories, especially the dramatic ‘I hate you’ moments that were followed hours later by ‘what’s for dinner, Mama?’ The honesty here is refreshing. Discipline gets such a bad PR these days, but it’s clearly what built half the functional adults we know. Long live the mean moms !
That was so relatable.Through my teens I did feel that my parents especially my Mother was harsh on me but as I grew up and later became a Mother, standing in her shoes I became a much meaner Mother myself and I get her now, completely.We were too timid to say it aloud but our kids enjoy the freedom to say it to my face ‘I hate you, you are so bad” and I just go on keeping a straight face, reminding myself why I was doing what I did.
Your post set me thinking. It is very interesting the way you have used a bit of satire to prove that “mean” is good. I never thought my mom was mean, although we were a disciplined bunch. Respect was the word, I guess, and never questioning her. But I can relate to myself as a mean mom as I never let my kids have candies, ice creams or colas. I would make all their favourite street foods at home! Popsicles to potato chips.
Isn’t it amazing how the roles get reversed in life! What we fail to realize in our teens ultimately hits us during parenthood. What a beautiful ode to mean moms because of whom the world is still a better place!
It is so good. Sharing your knowledge with others is your humbleness, and if somebody gets help from it that’s the best thing.
Well, as a single person, I certainly don’t win this title. My mom wasn’t the meanest, but then parents have their own ways of saying NO. Our life meanders between breaking free and running back into her prison. It’s difficult to say anything about this.
That was nice to read. Each person has their own tale of their mothers. My experience with my mom was quite different. However it is, they are the world to us.
Your posts are always food for thought. I am not a mother and mine was the most chilled out one. After reading the perspective you’ve shared here, I would like to say that we need more mean mothers.
This piece hit me in the gut. Your honest account of navigating criticism and expectation felt both personal and universally relatable. I found myself nodding along, remembering my own moments of silent disappointment. Your words brought both awareness and healing; I’m grateful for that.
Oho my mother is one example of it and i am glad she remained such and thats i became one who i m today. i m blessed to have such mom.
Such a refreshing perspective! I love how you embrace the “mean mom” role with humor and honesty. It’s a reminder that setting boundaries is an act of love, not punishment. Thanks for sharing such an empowering take on parenting!
This piece hit home! I remember throwing those “I hate you” lines at my mom too and now I see how much love was behind every “No.” Being a “mean mother” truly is the toughest and kindest job. Thank you for this warm, honest reminder.
This post beautifully captures what many of us now understand as adults: being a good parent doesn’t always mean being the cool one. It means being strong enough to do what’s right for your child, even if they hate you for it at the time.
We need more mean moms in today’s world.
This hit a nerve. I always thought the same and now that she is no longer with me and me having a lil’ daughter, I understand how precious each of her lessons were. Hmm..
Absolutely loved this heartfelt ode to “mean” moms! It beautifully redefines tough love, reminding us that boundaries, discipline, and care shape strong, grounded adults. A nostalgic, powerful, and tear-jerking read
Oh absolutely! I am completely mean mom! And do hope my kids will understand the meanness some day! I call myself horror mumma!!!
I was a mean mother too. The children obviously did not like it when they were younger but now realize why I said no. These days, it is more difficult to raise a child.
Being a mother this is so very relatable. I can seriously imagine this being said to me anytime soon.
I love this blog that shows the other side of the coin. What a magical mean mom story. I am in awe with this thought and the generation of moms who are labelled mean. Amy from Big Bang theory series comes to mind her mom was awfully mean but she won Nobel prize, she was kind, respectful and intellectual!
As a mother of a teenage boy, I can relate to this so much. I am not just the meanest mother on earth; I am also a mother who expects her son to achieve things that no other parent of his friends/classmates do. I am overly bothered and hands-on… I must learn to chill and relax—according to my son.
I can relate to this so much!
I may not be a parent, but your words struck a chord. That delicate tug-of-war between affection and sharp honesty that often comes from mothers—it’s all too familiar. It made me pause and think about how those moments, once dismissed as harsh or “mean,” quietly molded the voice inside me. A voice that sometimes pushes, sometimes protects, but always echoes where I come from.